a heart hidden in His hands

I’m single. There’s no hiding it or denying it. I’ve never even held hands with a guy, if that tells you anything. And I won’t lie—it hurts sometimes. But I was wrestling about that with God the other day, and in His kindness, He gave me an answer.

I was at work a few weeks ago, and it can sometimes be hard because all my coworkers are either married or engaged. To top that off, I can’t count how many couples come into the library every day with their kiddos. I’ll be the first to admit that there’s an ache in my soul when I see them, because all I truly want in this life is to be a godly wife and a mom. I so desperately want what everyone else seems to have.

I was praying while pulling holds—getting admittedly frustrated with it, too—and asking God why I didn’t have a guy yet. Why He is withholding so much from me. Why I have prayed so hard for so long, only to still have empty hands. Why no one notices me.

I was in our juvenile DVD section when His soft whisper made me stop everything to simply gasp at His words: “Leah, you’re not going unnoticed. I’m keeping you hidden.”

I, with my ignorant, sassy, human tendencies, gave a quick rebuttal. “Why would You hide me? What good could come from that?”

One thing I love about God is that He often leaves my questions unanswered so I can truly contemplate the things He’s doing. Unanswered questions give me time to process, time to meditate, time to see.

I sat on His words all day—hidden.

Why would He keep me hidden? What good could come of that?

But the longer I thought on it and the longer I asked for clarity, the clearer the answer became. He was (is, let’s be real) hiding me sweetly to reserve me and my heart for the right man someday. Being hidden protects me from guys I’m not meant to love or be loved by. Being hidden keeps me humble; it keeps me patient in the silence. It keeps me safe, lost in the depths of His heart.

Someday, when God sees fit, the right man will notice me. And that, friends, is all that matters. And until that day, He has chosen to keep me hidden, to keep my heart, soul, and life far out of reach of all the wrong men. I’d rather go unseen by everyone except the man God has set aside for me than be flattered by men I have no business being with.

Flattery feels good, no questions asked. But I honestly believe we live in a world where flattery is a degenerative form of currency. We seek flattery—to be seen as attractive and desirable—in exchange for confidence and comfort.

But friends, especially my fellow single girls, flattery is not what our identity should be rooted in.

Closer to when I first started working at the library, I was closing one night when a guy asked for my number. I wasn’t interested in the least (sorry, sir) and I kindly turned him down. But here’s the thing: I was flattered.

The patron came in, talked to me, and saw me as desirable. And my goodness, did that feel good. I blushed all night long, my heartbeat was pitter-pattering for hours, and I came home and told everyone about it. Why? Because flattery feels good.

But what did it bring me? Absolutely nothing but pride in my appearance and personality. Pride that God quickly convicted me of.

Friends, our identity isn’t in who thinks we’re attractive enough to ask us out or in our appearance or who thinks we’re dateable.

Our identity is in the Father who continually seeks us out, in the King who sees us with such deep, fervent desire that He left His throne to die for us. Our identity is in God alone, the One who has already established and continually defines our value by the finished work of the cross.

Being hidden allows me to root my identity in Him, not in whoever finds me pretty or asks for my number. My Father looks at me, says I’m more beautiful and valuable than the lilies of the fields, and claims me as His own. In the silence of being hidden and out of reach of everyone else, I can hear His voice loudly, telling me who I am. And that is more than enough.

So now I thank God that He has chosen to keep me hidden, because here, with my heart hidden in the Father’s hands, I’m protected from anyone I’m not supposed to be found by. I’m protected from anything beyond His will. I’m safe here, and my identity can be found in Him alone. So I’ll continue to pray that He keeps me hidden for as long as I need to be, because being hidden is a divine act of protection as He keeps me sheltered from anything that may cause pride or harm.

Friends, this season is lonely. I won’t deny it. I know that ache we constantly feel, hoping and wondering when our time will come to be seen and loved.

But what if our good, intentional Father is purposefully hiding us? Perhaps He is preparing us for our future spouses, keeping us hidden until He sees the time is right. In His purest goodness, maybe He is keeping us hidden for our safety and for His glory. So don’t be fooled by flattery, and friends, may we never rely on someone else’s words to define, identify, and strengthen us. Let’s lean on the Lord and root ourselves in who He says we are.

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The pain of loneliness is one way in which He wants to get our attention. We may be earnestly desiring to be obedient and holy. But we may be missing the fact that it is here, where we happen to be at this moment and not in another place or another time, that we may learn to love Him—here where it seems He is not at work, where His will seems obscure or frightening, where He is not doing what we expected Him to do, where He is most absent. Here and nowhere else is the appointed place. If faith does not go to work here, it will not go to work at all.

—Elisabeth Elliot, The Path of Loneliness

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May the loneliness draw us to Him, and may we find sweet, refreshing comfort in the very places He so graciously has hidden us. And when the time is right, He will let us be seen by the right person. But until then, rest in the simple fact that we are seen, known, and loved by our Father.

All my love,

    L. Taylor

Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said,

"I will never leave you or forsake you."

—Hebrews 13:5